pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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