I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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