I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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