Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
