I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
