I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
