I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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