so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
