first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
