I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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