y did u give ur computer a hand job?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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