So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
did i walk over a car last night?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
