As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
