After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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