dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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