I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize