I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
