there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Sorry about my life...
Randomize
