By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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