i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
