Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
