Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
