just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
