My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
