3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
