You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Randomize
