I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
the liver wants what the liver wants
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
