Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
