he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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