It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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