This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
