At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
