I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize