I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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