You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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