It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
