**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Randomize
