i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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