Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
