lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize