My hair reeks of homosexuality.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Randomize
