Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I pour the whiskey from now on
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
