i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
