I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
