respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
