I think I just saw someone hide a body.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
