I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
