If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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