I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
