and next time when you feel me up, do it right
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
