Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize