You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
