i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize