you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
