you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
