What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Randomize
