All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
