dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
