They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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