JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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