Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
i out mim tonsoeep
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