it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
