So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
His hands were made for my vagina.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I party with great urgency now.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
