Having a random hookup so left but love u
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
