Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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