He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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