Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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