Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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