No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
