I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
My vagina is officially offended.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Randomize
