he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
My ass is underappreciated
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
