Your tits are I can't wait for
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Randomize
