I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
