this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
